Still an alcoholic
I’m 65 days away from having 10 years of sobriety.
I’m also one drink away from throwing everything I have away, including my life itself.
I’ve recently started trying out different flavors of seltzer water in an attempt to up my water intake. (It counts as water, right?) I’m not a fan of most, so the experiment is rather a fail.
Tonight, I tried this one. Coconut. And it immediately took me back a full decade in time. You see, I used to drink alcohol rather often that tasted like this. But I’d forgotten until I took that first sip tonight. And then I remembered. And I remembered. it. all.
There are a whole heap of memories I’ve buried over the years. But just like alcohol, memories can be cunning & baffling & powerful.
Triggers and cravings can happen in an instant and at any instant. I had been twirling around to Christmas music as I cooked dinner the moment before that sip and those memories. Then, with my guard down, the craving was there.
I took a few more sips and then several more throughout dinner. The craving passed, but the lesson was received.
I am and will always be an alcoholic.
I may not abuse alcohol anymore, and I hope to keep my 3,586-day streak going indefinitely, but still….I am *still* an alcoholic.
This time of year with the holidays is usually tough for us. Parties and gatherings are not always easy or fun for us. Sometimes, even the safe seltzer waters aren’t even safe.
✨My hope is that all of us on the road of recovery may continue to keep what we’ve got.
✨My hope is that all who are like us and just not on the path yet may know they’re welcome and wanted.
✨My hope is that all who know or love people like us - whether we’re on the road or not - will handle us with care. Not as if we’re broken or likely to break; we’re not broken or fragile. We just need to know you care.❤️✨